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Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.
It improves division.
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I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
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I’ve just been attacked by a herd of cows.
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I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.
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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
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