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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
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A guy goes into a butcher shop and bets the butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the mean on the top shelf.
"No way," said the butcher. "The steaks are too high."
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When my wife was still pregnant I used to say
that our baby was in his one womb apartment.
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Me: Hey dad, what’s up?
Dad: My weight
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I gave all my dead batteries away today…
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