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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
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Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night...
Should’ve put it on aloha setting!
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My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
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My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
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I'm not fat.
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