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What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One's a pop fly. The other's a fly pop.
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What do you call a dog without legs?
It doesn’t matter. It won’t come if you call it.
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I think my iPhone's broken
I pressed the home button, but I'm still at work
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Some guy came up to me and said, "I haven't gone to the bathroom in two weeks."
I said, "you're full of crap"
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You have to act quickly during a flood.
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