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What's the best kind of booze if you want to dance all night long?
Wild Twerky
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What's the difference between a baseball hitter and a skydiver?
The baseball player goes "smack!...ARGH!" A skydiver goes "ARGH!...smack!"
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I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
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My son tied his first tie today.
I looked at him and told him "Knot bad son."
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
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