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What is the biggest difference between chemistry and cooking?
In chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.
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What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase?
A branch manager!
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If an athlete gets athlete's foot
then an astronaut must get missile toe.
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Why can't a lactose intolerant dyslexic man keep a diary?
Because he's allergic.
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My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"
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