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My wife told me, “Don’t stress out if people keep calling you fat...”
..”You are much bigger than that.”
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My girlfriend left me because I'm insecure
Nevermind she's back she just went to pee
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What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
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Father: I know what's causing your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.
Kid: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
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