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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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What did the hooker buy from the furniture shop
One night stand
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Me: this is my house
Friend: what's upstairs Me: stairs don't talk
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I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed... Well, everyone except this one guy.
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I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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