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The only decisions bar tenders make...
are pour decisions
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Don’t stare at a glass of water.
Take a pitcher it’ll last longer.
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What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
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Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket?
Cop: It was a moving violation.
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Why don’t blind people skydive?
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