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Some guy came up to me and said, "I haven't gone to the bathroom in two weeks."
I said, "you're full of crap"
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What are terminators called when they retire?
Exterminators
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Why is Kim Jong Un so cruel?
Because he doesn't have a Seoul.
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My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".
So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about
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