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One time I paid $20 to see Prince in concert
But I partied like it's $19.99
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Newscaster: Why did you relocate across the country?
Weatherman: Because the weather didn't agree with me.
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I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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What do you get when you cross an Olympic swimmer with an elephant?
Swimming trunks
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Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
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