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My wife made me a millionaire
Granted I was a billionaire before I met her.
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What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
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How do you get your toilet so clean?
I scrub the shit out of it.
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Dad, how much does it cost to get married?
I don't know. I'm still paying for it.
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Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
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