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My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home...
...I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.
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Father: I know what's causing your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.
Kid: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.
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I think my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.
Oh well, hind sight is 1.
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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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