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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home...
...I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.
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My pet parrot Nico escaped yesterday and hasn't been seen since.
All I have now is a Nico-less cage.
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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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What do you call it when you go back for another helping of ice cream?
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