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My wife and I bought a water bed recently but ever since then...
...we’ve drifted apart.
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What is Mozart doing right now?
Decomposing!
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What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia
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Tech: Okay ma'am, do you see the button on the right-hand side of your mouse?
Caller: No, there's a printer and a phone on the right-hand side of my mouse.
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You have to act quickly during a flood.
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