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My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
We got a long well.
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I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."
Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "
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My twin brother called me from prison.
He said, “You know that thing where we finish each other’s sentences?”.
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A guy goes into a butcher shop and bets the butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the mean on the top shelf.
"No way," said the butcher. "The steaks are too high."
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What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
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