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My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...
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I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet
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Dad: Doctor, help me! I'm addicted to Twitter.
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This morning I saw the milkman drinking a sip of milk before leaving it in front of my door.
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A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"

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