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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
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I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.
We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.
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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.
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What did the bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?
Hurry up honey!
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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