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Which US president was the least guilty?
Lincoln, because he was in a cent
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What do you call a tea that looks really good?
A hottie
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My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercises.
I just dodged a bullet.
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My biology teacher asked "What's heavier, the Indian or African elephant?"
I said "The elephant obviously!"
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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