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What does the clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
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The person who invented autocorrect
should burn in hello.
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Wife asked me why i don't take her anywhere.
I answered: "What's the point, you always come back."
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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