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Two vegans were not talking to each other..
Which was weird because I thought vegans would never have beef
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What do you call a group of security guards in front of the Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
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When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
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I took a poll the other day.
Turns out 100% of people get angry when their tents fall down.
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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