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Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
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A guy on the street asked me how I kept my hair so nice...
Apparently he was gel-less.
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Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
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I call my horse Mayo,
and sometimes Mayo Neighs.
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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
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