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On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
Push and Pull.
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Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?
Because of her crash diet
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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.
Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.
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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.
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