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Me: Honey, I'm terrified of vowels. Wife: Ummm, why?
Me: Only sometimes.
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Yesterday I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with her personal trainer
I told her, "This isn't working out"
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What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
"I never sausage a place"
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How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty. Three to die trying, one to actually pull it off, and 46 others to say, "Dude, I could do that!"
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
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