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It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering
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What do you call an epileptic emperor?
Julius seizure
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My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.
She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."
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I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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