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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.
It’s currently half empty.
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What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.
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In college, I was so broke that I couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
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Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?
Because they’ve got a Supreme Ruler.
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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