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Reporter: How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?
Company owner: It's simple. I have 100 employees, and 99 free parking spaces outside. The other one costs $50 a day.
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I don’t mean to toot my own horn
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..
Stupid firemen.
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Wife: I thought we agreed on three beers and be home by ten.
Husband: I'm sorry, honey, I always get those two mixed up.
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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