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I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
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I have a fear of speed bumps.
I'm slowly getting over it.
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.
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