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I just found out my girlfriend gave me an STD
I’m gonorrhea-valuate our relationship
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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.
It’s currently half empty.
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What did the ground say to the oil worker?
"You bore me."
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What did the painter do when it got cold...
He put on another coat
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My first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
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