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How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty. Three to die trying, one to actually pull it off, and 46 others to say, "Dude, I could do that!"
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I was feeling depressed. So my wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth."
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How does a dinosaur pay his bills?
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Me: Honey, I'm terrified of vowels. Wife: Ummm, why?
Me: Only sometimes.
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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
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