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Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
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Why was the calendar depressed?
Because it’s days were numbered!
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My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
He said: "I heaven't"
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I got a job in a coffee shop. I feel like I can espresso myself there.
But don't make a mocha-ry of me. It's a little latte for that.
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Would anyone be interested in being my companion?
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