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Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
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Watched a movie in 1440p for the first time yesterday.
It was my new year's resolution.
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Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day
"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.
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When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it's full.
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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