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Did you know most people are assholes?
Next time you see a group of people, yell "hey asshole" and they will all look.
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
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Q: What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
A: The teachers always Babylon.
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I went to the bank and asked the teller to check my balance.
She shoved me, but I didn't fall down.
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My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject?
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