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Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation
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My girlfriend likes to take the stairs but I prefer taking the elevator
I guess we were raised defferently.
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Why was the girl staring at the juice box?
Because it said: "Concentrate."
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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
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