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I was arrested for stealing cooking utensils
But it was worth the whisk
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Reporter: How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?
Company owner: It's simple. I have 100 employees, and 99 free parking spaces outside. The other one costs $50 a day.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?
I dot my eyes on you.
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What do you call a man who never toots in public?
A private tooter.
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I gave all my dead batteries away today…
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