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I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
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My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol
He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles
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I had been out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home.
That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
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