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I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
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What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
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Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket?
Cop: It was a moving violation.
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