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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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I ordered two large fries
and instead they just gave me a whole bunch of tiny little ones. This is bullshit.
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You know what's really odd?
Numbers not divisible by 2.
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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
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I just don’t get school shooting jokes.
They must be aimed at a younger audience.
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
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