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I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.
Unfortunately when I went to get it back, they were shut down for money laundering.
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Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"?
Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
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Where do you find a dog with no legs?
The same place they left him.
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My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
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What bug did dinosaurs hate the most?
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