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I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep attacking him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure-bread.
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My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer
He could never pass the bar.
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A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...
It said "Parking Fine"
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No bragging but I made six figures last year.
So they named me worst employee at the toy factory.
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?
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