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I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
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When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway!
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Did you hear about the guy who invented Altoids?
He made a mint.
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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
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What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
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