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I asked my wife to pick up a pumpkin to make pumpkin pie. When she said she couldn't find one at the store, I told her,
"I guess our plans are squashed."
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Do you know why the say "be there or be square?"
Because you're not around.
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My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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My kid’s pet rabbit named Gotye ran away a few days ago, and we can’t find it.
Now he’s just some bunny we used to know.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?
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