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Father: I know what's causing your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.
Kid: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.
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My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
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