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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
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I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared,
"Hey, we've been getting along great lately!'
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Someone once told me they loved absolutely all kinds of bedding.
It was a real blanket statement.
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What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
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