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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally gave her a glue.
She's still not talking to me.
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My dad is forbidden from buying alcohol since he started working in the coal mine
They don't sell alcohol to miners
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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
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