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Coach said I broke my arm in two places! What will I do?
-I wouldn't go back to those places, that's for sure!
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My cat was just sick on the carpet.
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Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
Push and Pull.
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My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
He said: "I heaven't"
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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