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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
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When I was a kid, I wanted to be a photographer.
But it didn't develop.
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Father: I know what's causing your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.
Kid: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.
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I quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big or strong enough.
Today, I put in my too-weak notice.
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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
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