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What do you call a potato at a hockey game?
A spec-tater.
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I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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Soccer striker: I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself.
Manager: I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss.
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My son asked me what procrastinate meant.
I said I'd tell him later
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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
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