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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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So I texted my crush and asked her, “Are you an ancient artifact,”
“Because I want to date you.”
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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
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Four years ago today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
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