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So I texted my crush and asked her, “Are you an ancient artifact,”
“Because I want to date you.”
My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.
My dentist is a really mean guy
He always hurts my fillings
The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
That shit was bananas.
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Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
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