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On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
Push and Pull.
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My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it
But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!
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I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
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I've been asked out by 20 women today...
I was in the ladies bathroom.
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I gave all my dead batteries away today…
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