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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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My son kept chewing on live electrical wires
So I had to ground him.
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The clouds parted and a voice thundered, "Come forth, and you'll receive eternal life."
But John came fifth, so he just got a toaster.
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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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“What to call a bear who’s lost all its teeth?
A gummy bear!
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
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