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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
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"Dad, will the pizza be long?"
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I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed... Well, everyone except this one guy.
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I just sold my vacuum...
All it was doing was collecting dust!!
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
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