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My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
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My wife came back from the store complaining about how the lady at the register was a total bitch.
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
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For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.
I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.
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Why do birds fly south?
It’s easier than walking!
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I like my women the way I like my coffee.
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